How To Overcome a Victim Mentality

People treat you how you allow them to treat you

During my Freshman year of college, my roommates would cross my boundaries often, but I never stopped them. I let them walk all over me in hopes of them just learning to respect me in their own time. Needless to say, things got worse. I mean, to the point where I completely lost control of the situation. I was too afraid and too insecure to enforce my boundaries. I didn’t think anyone would respect them and I had no way to make them. Of course, it wasn’t until after I was out of the situation I realized that I was accepting the role of a victim.

If you aren’t the leading lady in your own life, what the heck are you doing? I had to ask myself that question. And now I’m asking you. Are you the leading lady in your life? Do you play the victim when life knocks you down? Take back your life now in four steps.

Take responsibility over your life

Your success, happiness, failures, or depression is all on you. Yes, people hurt us and yes people help us, but we decide what we do with that hurt or help. I mean, my roommates would treat me like I was worthless, but I chose to believe it. I took their negativity and internalized it, so deep that I am still trying to uproot it. Once you learn to take responsibility over your actions, you’re life will start to come back. You will strive harder and reach higher because you realize that no one is going to hand you happiness or success. It’s up to you.

Forgive others

I’m sure you know by now, but there are some mean people in this world. There are some people that, no matter how much you enforce your boundaries or express how they’re actions are affecting you, will not stop attacking you. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe they are insecure themselves, maybe they are jealous of you, or maybe they’re just plain ole mean. Nevertheless, forgiveness is key. You don’t want to carry the hurt and pain your bully caused you. It will only block your gifts, joy, confidence, etc. You want to live freely.

Change your mindset 

If we stay in a “woe is me” state of mind our lives are going to be stymied from living out our true potential. I convinced myself that I was not important enough to not only set boundaries, but stand by them. Now, every time a thought of unworthiness pops in my head, I challenge it. I am not a victim. I am strong. I am worthy.

Take action 

Decide today to stop being a victim. Tell that certain someone that they crossed the line, tell depression you aren’t its toy, tell your emotions and thoughts that you are in control here. You have to deal with someone who crossed your boundaries early. Don’t wait or downplay it in your head so you convince yourself it wasn’t that big of a deal. If you don’t catch it quick, it will only grow.

I understand that sometimes it’s easy to play the victim. That way, we can point the blame at someone else for our problems. If we play the victim, we feel validated to sit back and do nothing. But this is your life. It’s up to your to make it what you want it to be. 🙂

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